Changing of the Guard

A fun day all in all, but filled with arguments. I've noticed that since Mumble came into our lives our "discussions" have been less loud and less dramatic, probably mainly on my part since I'm the drama queen after all. It's hard to be overly dramatic when there's a baby involved. I digress.

So, I'm up because the night ended with an argument that I'm sure was caused my underlying insecurity, topped up with with piled up neglect. Neglect?! Well, I'm not saying that he's neglectful ... on purpose. Maybe neglect is even a harsh word. I have a great husband, no ... an amazing husband who loves me and respects me AND is a fabulous father.

At first I started the evening off seething, but, in the spirit of less drama I've learned to just let my hubby go off to bed without dragging him out to continue and hopefully resolve the argument. Which, lands me in the position of thinker. So, I think. And, I think about what it is that I want resolved AND how I actually want it resolved. It's made me realize a number of things.

The biggest, I think, is that I believe the full realization of how much he's changed has hit me. Partly I think it's due to his time in Iraq, BUT, to be fair, a lot of it is just age. Which brings in the title of my post. I have a very serious issue with control. Especially in relationships. At the same time, there is something inherent within me that wants something more traditional. I truly am happy at home, taking care of my family. When they're happy, I feel fulfilled. I am just realizing how much more difficult that is with a child!

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'm realizing that my husband is taking more control. And, I'm surprised to find that there is a man that can take control of/from me and that I'm actually, somewhere deep down, happy about that. I now have to figure out how to get that controlling part of me to accept it!

We're excited - Mumble

I don't know why, but this little guy has been very excited today! He holds his breath, puts his fists up by his face and shakes with the funniest grin on his face! He wouldn't do it, of course, for this video, but he's still super cute!!

The new look

Well, my new look is here! I think there may still a few bugs, however, they should be worked out quickly - in fact, no one may even see them.

So, why the new look? I've decided (not for the first time), that I need a positive outlet and that because of my not-really-self-imposed solitude, my blog may prove to be the best and quickest (safest) outlet. I've often thought of writing a book, and it turns out I may have a slight ego in thinking that it may be something that grows from my blog ... we'll see.

Either way, I don't have the focus or discipline to write two blogs at the moment, so it all flops into one. However, I'm well aware that many who read my blog don't have a desire to read my inner angst and musings, so I will denote the posts that have pictures and relate more to Mumble in some way (probably something boring and uncreative like "PICTURES").

My husband says I'm long-winded ... I think a lot of people would agree, however, I just happen to be able to write quickly. I'm not sure if I'm good at it or what, but when I write, words just seem to flow and it's usually a pretty quick thing.

So, what's on my mind tonight? Well, I suppose right now I'm missing my hubby since he's out in the field for the night. A lot of my frustration with the Army right now is a huge part of what has prompted me to start blogging about ME more. We have spent very little time together, in fact, sometimes it seems like he's only been home a few weeks. When he is home, he's so exhausted that there's very little quality time. There have been few weekends that have not been touched by the idiocy of the Army.

But, I'm resolved to stop allowing it to affect me and the person I am and want to be. I'm trying very hard to be the best wife and mom I can be. My house has been a mess, I've rarely cooked, I know I've been a bear to live with and I've been so easily angered and frustrated. My nerves have been shot recently and I don't want to live this way (and I'm betting my hubby would agree with that!).

Anyway, about that housecleaning ... must return to that!

Cousins

Last weekend Nana and Papa came down and brought Cheeks with them. It was a lot of fun to watch her and Mumble play together.

Being a good big cousin.

Mumble just adores her.

A LOT lol

Cheeks, you're so funny!

BIG hug!

The feeling's mutual!

A fam pic

That was obviously exhausting!

Muddy-mud and Muddy's Day

Yup, been far too long! Change is on the wind and in the next few days my blog will be revamped! The new design is really great as is the title, if I do say so myself! (To the title, not the design.) But, before I get into that, please enjoy the following!

A week or so ago, Mumble and I did some yardwork. I got fairly dirty, however, this little guy took the cake, or should I say pie ... mud pie!

Splash, splash, splash!

Ooo ... this is fun, mom!

How cute am I?!

Must cool off, see how bright the sun is?

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME GO IN THE HOUSE?!?!?!

We also planted flowers in the front. I don't have a "completed" picture yet, however, this is how I decided to save my precious flowers! We had done the backyard when my parents were here and because of the rain and terrible soil, they died. So, this time I dug down about 6 inches (by myself since we'd already bought the flowers when McH found out he'd be gone), which nearly killed me and put in better soil. And then it rained. I was terrified that all my hard work would go to waste, so I did my best to save my babies!

See all of the dirt?! McH finally got it all off the front lawn last weekend - and, there was another pile that isn't in the picture! THANK GOODNESS!

Slightly out of order, but we had a wonderful mother's day, despite the Army desperately trying to ruin it! We hopped in the car and went to the Waco Zoo which was absolutely beautiful. Mumble didn't seem to interested in the animals - he was much happier looking for birds and playing at the playground, which was wonderful! They had a splash area and a huge slide.

Ooo ... water!

Stomp!

The handsomest of boys!
More stomping.
Daddy and Mumble in the tree house.

Slide down to mama!

Hard to tell, but yes, he's having fun!

Mumble might not have appreciated it, but we thought it was beautiful!

Mumble getting his eat on.

Happy first Mother's Day, mommy!

It was a really beautiful day. And, it truly made me appreciate my mother and all of the other women in my family who have imparted their wisdom, experiences and support. Saying that my mother is an amazing human being doesn't even scratch the surface. Saying that she's my best friend and mentor doesn't either. Words just aren't enough. I constantly feel that I'm unable to really let her know what she means to me. Our relationship has continually shifted as I grow along my journey, but now I realize completely that she, too, is on a journey. She is not only my mother and my son's grandmother, but she's a woman and beyond that a human being who embarked on her own ever-changing journey long before I was even thought of. I will forever look up to her and remember the lessons she's taught me as my mother, my friend, my peer, as a fellow woman.

Thank you mom for listening, guiding, teaching, respecting, supporting and loving me.

E-I-E-I-OHHHHH

I am SO glad that I finally caught this! I've been wanting to for a while, since he's really started rockin' out! But, everytime I'd get the camera, he'd either come running for it or ... come running for it. So, this time I did it!

The video is his new Baby McDonald video from his Cissy. We've loved Baby Einstein from day one and they did not let us down! He may like this better than *gasp* Mickey!! I've never seen such a funny site as I do when I put the video on because he runs around the living room (yes, it's messy) yelling and dancing!

THANK YOU CISSY AND GRANDPA!!!